Chapter 7 Family Secrets

Chapter 7

Family Secrets

Years before, I had received a newspaper clipping of my cousin Dorothy’s wedding. Dorothy Young married Harry Beitzel, an up-and-coming umpire for the Australian Rules Football Association in Melbourne. The following year, another newspaper clipping arrived featuring Dorothy, Harry and their newly arrived daughter Julie. Two years later, more headlines and pictures in the Melbourne papers after the arrival of twin daughters. By the time I arrived from overseas for a visit they had four children, three girls and a boy.

Dorothy had been my bridesmaid at our wedding. She was the most gentle and giving person I ever knew and, for some reason, had me up on a pedestal. She adored her children, just as I had always imagined she would after reading her letters. She was content to stay at home and take care of their children, preferring not to be in the limelight with Harry’s very public image in the sporting world.

I had a relaxing four days with Dorothy and the children, while Harry popped in from time to time between working long hours with his new business and umpiring on the weekend.

Later that week I took the train to Leeton, New South Wales, to the citrus fruit and rice-growing Riverina region to be with my half sister Lil, her English husband Syd, and their two daughters, Valda and Lynette. This re-union was important to both Lil and me – I felt a need for us to spend some time together to better know my sister. We had been raised separately - Lil on a citrus farm with our biological mother’s sister, Violet, who was also taking care of our aged Grandma Duffy at the time of our mother’s death. Later, Violet had a son, Roy.

Playing games and reading stories to Lil’s two young daughters, Valda and Lynette, made me very homesick. I was missing my own children very much and longed to hear their voices and see their faces light up when I told them a bedtime story. Was this the homesickness I professed never to suffer from?

Lil was eight years old and I was five months old when our Mother committed suicide. In later years, that may have been diagnosed as post-natal depression. Lil expressed her unhappiness at having my father, Vic Dowsett, for a stepfather. She was adamant in blaming him for our mother’s death. She also spoke of the beatings Vic dealt her after he came home from the pub and found the horses hadn’t been fed on the farm at Lancefield in Victoria, a Soldiers Settlement. She was aghast to hear he belted me, too.

“I can’t believe he would do that! Beat his daughter, his own flesh and blood!”

She also forewarned me that Auntie Vi wouldn’t want to discuss her sister’s death - she had never talked about it to Lil. “Just remember, don’t mention that you know our Mother committed suicide!”

“Lil, I only want to know something about her earlier life. What was she like as a young girl? Did she like to sew or knit? Was she a tomboy? She apparently made some bad choices in men, but I’m not interested in her past mistakes. What if I confront Auntie Vi and ask her to tell me about when they were growing up?”

“Her memory is going, she may not remember too much about it. You will only upset her.” Lil did not want me to pursue that line of questioning.

Auntie Vi lived in a very comfortable house with two spare bedrooms, while I stayed in very cramped conditions with my sister. I would love to have stayed with my mother’s sister Vi - I had always adored her. The letters she wrote to me were wonderful, but she never told me personal things about the family. Auntie Vi was articulate, jolly and very active for her age. When I started to ask questions about her growing up and the area in which she lived, the atmosphere became tense. She must have suspected I was leading up to something and her voice became restricted. My questions were not of a personal nature. Answers were not forthcoming.

At that time, I believe Auntie Vi chose to have both selective hearing and memory loss. I couldn’t believe the change that came over her. I will never understand why families hold onto so many secrets. Most of the town folk from her era have good memories and know all about everyone’s past in country towns. They could probably tell me those secrets if I chose to pursue my questioning in other areas of the Leeton township.

I realized then, I really didn’t need to know any more. My life was full of wonderful memories within my own immediate family. The acceptance I received with Bill’s folks when I first became their daughter-in-law, and the way they loved me like their own daughter, far exceeded my expectations. As I suggested to Bill, our family tree started with our family. We didn’t need to look beyond it.

It might be interesting to look into Bill’s background! Those four Frost brothers who landed in America from England back in the 1800’s could have a few skeletons!